eric mai

I saw a ghost crossing the road last night.  I was falling asleep on a drive home.  It was 4AM and I was losing it.  

My eye lids were iron gates that I was attempting to raise with my bare hands.  In an act of miraculous strength I would get them up and scream out as if in pain; “Wake up! WAKE UP DAMN IT!”  But in time my arms would waver and the gates would come crashing down.  Crashing… crashing… WAKE UP!   I’d realize I was driving and would panic.  ”Did I just fall asleep?  How long did I have my eyes shut?  Thank goodness no one was driving close to me.” 

I roll down my window.  Maybe the cold air would wake me up.  I stick my hand out and the air is biting.  Too cold.  There’s a tractor trailer coming up on the right.  I tell myself, “Please don’t fall asleep while you’re driving next to it, Eric.”  As I come up beside it I raise the gates with all my might.  My heart starts racing.  I had been swerving a few miles back.  If I swerve this time, I might lose my life.  The thought runs through my head.  The images of my car careening under this trailer.  It’s wheels hopping onto my car and crushing it; maybe even getting caught and dragging it.  

But somehow I make it and speed ahead.  Cars are far ahead of me and the trailer is behind me now.  A rest area…  I should stop and shut my eyes for a few minutes.  10 miles ahead.  I get in the right lane.  Rest area… 5 miles ahead…  I close my eyes.  

Passing rest area on the right.  I missed the exit.  I have no where safe to stop and an hour left to go.  ”Do it Eric.  Just do it.  WAKE THE FUCK UP!”  I want to call someone.  The music and talk radio isn’t keeping me up.  Slapping my face only lasts for a minute and I have no one to call; everyone’s asleep.  I’m alone.

Who will they call if something happens to me?  Will my friends find out?  Will the person I love find out in time?  

This is a dark post.  But last night was dark and this morning was as well.  I don’t know.  I just don’t know.  

P.S. I’m okay.  This was a serious post but it’s not what it reads as.